Saturday, May 29, 2010

height of despogiri-iii

Its 8:10 pm by my watch and someone is knocking at my door. I know this is Midass, for the last 4 month we are going to mess at this time, 1% because we are hungry and 99% because Nora comes at this time. ( for Nora-Midass, read “practical physics”). As we approach toward stairs, we find Tom DRINKING WATER from a large 2 litres Sprite bottle.
Tom: are yaar! I just return from SAC(Student Activity Centre). I was dying of water for two hours.
(In 10 seconds, he empties whole bottle. 2 litre…huh…)
Midass: We are going to mess. Are you coming?
Tom: Ok! Yes! Give me 2 minutes.
(In 2 minutes, tharki Tom changes his jeans, t-shirt. Uses body spray whose advertisement shows a guy surrounded by girls due to AXE-effect)
Tom: Lets go..
Mess’s dinner is boring as usual. I think in mess, in addition to spoon, everyone should also be given knife to cut Roti, Paneer. It seems mess’ people use fevicol instead of suffola musterd oil. Looking at the meals, I remember my days at home, my mom used to cook best meals ever cooked and I, stupid moron…………………
Ok, leave that, so we serve our food and sit at the table with the BEST VIEW.(BITS guys.. C mess..best view..you people, got it??) Meanwhile Faghav joined us.
Tom(just 2 seconds after sitting): I am feeling too thirsty.
Let me have some water.
(I and Midass share glances as that 2 litres bottle, danced in our memory.)
Tom goes to water cooler. We are not in direct sight to water cooler. But after 2 minutes, Tom emerges with a beautiful and sweet girl. Then I understand the secret of Tom’s thirst. Tom should be excused, I can drink water even after drinking a bucket full of water. when he returns to us, faghav is demanding party as he SUCCESSFULLY talked to her. After 15 minute of argument, he is ready to give us part. After the dinner, we enjoy chocolate pastry with pulpy orange at mongi. (mongi or monginis is the cake shop in our campus).
Tom comes to me that night, he makes me listen his whole love story and how he achieved what we saw today. That’s fine. Next day, again we are having dinner when she enters. Our eyes are on Tom, his face lit like cracker in dark Diwali night.
Oh my God, she is coming towards us. She comes and sit beside us.
Tom: hiiiii!!
Girl: hi..
Girl: dinner is awful as always..
(we choose to stay silent, faghav and I are conscious after Shahi darbar’s incident. Height of despogiri-ii)
Girl: Tom, when are you going home after exams??
(Tom and the girl are from same city, I swear, listening this, Tom will be on cloud 9)
Tom: I haven’t decided yet. But you see your convenience, I am always ready.
Girl: that’s like my sweet BROTHER. Right from the first day, you remind me of my sweet titoo.
(titoo, I guess is her brother, but I have no words to describe Tom’s face.)
Girl (facing us): you know, these long journeys. Its always good to have someone with you.
We(with a cunning smile): tom bhaiya will care you to his best. Don’t you? Tom.
(at last we were happy by heart, it feels so bad to see your pal sitting with a pretty girl, but now ha ha ha)

Friday, May 28, 2010

love aaj-aaj

Our country is very difficult to understand and even more its people, custom and their ways. I owe no shame in accepting that India is the biggest hypocrite of the world. Have you seen any “dealing” of marriage in our so called cultured and modern society? Marriage is purely business deal, groom is up for bidding and bride’s fathers are the bidder, amount of bidding depends upon groom’s job, parental property, family’s status etc etc. These factors are similar to the factors affecting setting up a new industry (economics guys can do their research paper, Midass, you there?). But the blunder comes when a groom’s father supposed to be anti-dowry says “ladka engineer hai, log kya kahenge agar ladka rent ke car pe baarat le jaye. Ek car to milni hi chahiye.” And bride’s father thinks “itna accha ladka saste me mil raha hai”.
All right. Now a story. Few days ago, I went to meet one of my relatives who lives in a metropolitan city. She thinks herself smart, MODERN and up to date. First she quizzed me if I have girl friend.( ye to jale pe namak dalne wali baat huyi). So, here is the part of conversation:
Relative: do you have girl friend?

Me: naa. I don’t have such luck. And I am not smart enough to get a girl. (this is fact. Can someone help? I have poor communication skills.)

Relative: Good. Its becoming increasingly difficult to find boys like you. Otherwise these TV channels have spoiled your generation. Look, one thing, if ever you feel like luv-suv, ensure that the girl is Rajput. Anyways, are you free tonight? There is party in Le Meredian(a 5 star hotel), all “big” people are coming. You know modern ways; our parties are generally in 5 star hotels only.


This statement was from a modern lady. In her term, moderns mean having meals in 5 star hotels, having latest dresses, footwear and all those bullshit. This was new definition of “MODERN” introduced to me, earlier I knew that people go modern with new radical, revolutionary thoughts which have capability to drive world forward. And, you see, I got a proper methodology to find a girl for myself. First I look for a pretty girl, then I will ask her caste and there after further proceedings.[Any RAJPUT girl, you can email me, I am single:)]. Isn’t this silly? In fact, love is the feeling which comes for someone special for you, ordinary for others. That someone may be not beautiful, not intelligent but there will be something which make you think of him/her. It can be his/her way of walking, talking. I went off-track. I will stop myself here, otherwise love is a very big topic.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Oh shit! writers

I found a pretty interesting thing in recent edition of outlook. Under the heading, "how to become a novelist?", there was written," A reading of india's new paperback writer helps you recognise a common recipe. What you first need are a few dollops of late adolescent angst. You then need to throw things into a mixer of bad humour. Since its ok for the quality of prose to be awful, the time of preparation can be miniscule. You can spindle your blather with the flashy pretence of narrative, before serving it to easy to serve publishing houses. A satisfactory book deal is guaranteed."

These words quickly remind you of Five point someone, anything for you ma'm, Oh shit! not again, by Chetan Bhagat, Tushar Raheja and Mandar Kokate. Among all, Chetan Bhagat can be excused because of his positive messages. Be it our rickety education system or interstate/ intercaste marriages, they are increasingly discussed and supported by elders(good sign for us also) . Well the size of his masala pages(i guess, you people are smart enough to catch my words) are increasing with his every book, i wonder he will end up being Maharisi Vatsayan's new edition.


I would particularly like to discuss the last one Oh shit! not again by Mandar Kokate. I will start with the epilogue of the book, in short Mr. Kokate(in fact, he is engineer from college whose name i have never heard) thanked his parents for supporting him when the whole world considered him good for nothing. He declares this book as his achievemant and he has apparently shut his critics mouth by writing this book.
Well ok. Now i tell you about book. Read the book if you want to see how low a people can go to shut the mouth of ones critics. This book make the mockery of rich Indian literature nurtured by greats like premchandra, Rabindra Nath Tagore. This book itself is a whole shit and is nothing but the description of sexual fantasies of the empty brain author. Reflecting throuh other way, these so called authors have commercialised this art form and these masala pages are like blank cheque. Every fourth line of the book go with the description of the girl's body as if girls are meant only for display. Come on, the world is changing and we can't afford to have this attitude. We have to learn to appreciate beauty.
The height came after 3-4 month of my reading of book when i saw this book among the bestsellers. Publication houses are happy to publish these books because they know movie of Mallika Sherawat can never give you loss, howsoever movie may be..

Monday, May 3, 2010

Practical Physics

We have a physics freak with us. “Freak” as he swears by the name of “Feynmann” in every second sentence ( though Feynmann is no more ). He shows this by mass messaging on Einstein’s birthday and chants Newtons mantras.
Though usually he talks in Hindi but where ever anything regarding physics comes, he flips into English mode in his typical Gujrati accent (like we do when we talk to a girl, first two sentence in English and then hindi hamari rashtrabhasha hai. Don’t lie. We all do.)


A few days ago, I went to Midaas ( handsome guy who likes a girl but till now has made no conversation yet. Let her be Nora!!) We were talking when Feynmann came in.
Now please pay attention.

The clock reading 12:45 am....

Feynmann: Hey Midaas! Do you have something to eat? I am very hungry, yaar. I could have gone to night canteen but there is a problem ;sorry guys, cant tell you

Midaas: haan. Take this
(he points to an Unopened biscuit pack)

Feynmann: Midaas, after programming test, I met Nora.

(sorry yaar,95% of our discussion revolve around girls , 4% cricket and last 1% around studies)
(Last three words were sufficient to iginite interest in Midaas. I am preety sure Midaas must have started imagining himself with Nora at some swiss hill, and in background some Bollywood track )

Midaas: (with shinning eyes and smile forgetting all av- ) Really! What was she wearing? (What a question! I am sure Nora must not have heard the name Midaas )

( Feynmann knew he had struck the right cord, he took time and ate the 4th biscuit )

Feynmann (ignoring what Midaas said): bahut meetha ho gaya..

Midaas: take the kurkure (that was a huge pack). You were telling something.

Feynmann: We both were taking ice-cream.

Midaas: Must be chocolate flavour. (look at the result of a year of spying…//Mongi rocks )

(Feynmann was eating at rate of 4 pieces per second)

Feynmann: She asked me, my programming marks.

Midaas: She got 42/60. What next?

Feynmann: Next she asked me how is my compre preparation.

( considering the length of the story remaining he increased his speed to 6 pieces per second )

Feynmann: Then she bade me bye.

(still 2 pieces remaining)

Feynmann: Then a senior came, she went with him .(this was the end of HUGE kurkure.

( obseve the application of physics, perfect synchronisation of kurkure eating speed and Nora’s story )

Feynmann: Thanks yaar.

( “thanks” was making fun of midaas, kurkure bhi gaya aur ladki ko bhi senior le gaya. This is what I also dislike about BITS, seniors bhai-bahan k rishte ko bhi kharab kar dete hain. )