Saturday, April 16, 2011

Hi

"Hi"
popped up in my chat box. Adrenaline flowed and heartbeat doubled with the sight of the name on chat box. Things were not the way they should be and this "hi" was threatening because you had no clue what was it for. May be a new start or may be the last nail on already withered, inexpressive and non responsive relation. There was a mixed feeling- pleasure that yes i was going to talk, excitement because the envelope was still closed and whatever was inside was still unknown, fear of losing(i don't know why because i dont have anything).

Many things deceive. Their importance is hidden. Trifle things to us can have immense value to someone else. And this was how this chat box was important for me. This was not just a medium of two way communication but an expression, a mouthpiece to say whatever we couldn't have said otherwise. Perhaps even more for this girl.

me: Hi

me: How are you?

Diya: fine, u say?

me: good.

Now a lull for a minute was killing because i didn't know what to talk. I didn't want to write for i might sound foolish. And most importantly, i didn't know why she pinged. Its not easy to break the ice after 4 months of bitter cold. A little warmth of love and affection was necessary to melt that ice which defy all the scientific reasoning. I wonder why should i? Why should i bear the pain of holding fire in my hand which was also not sufficient to melt the ice? Why should i suffer when i could have all the pleasure of the world open for me? But perhaps the life is not science, where we need explanation and logic for every thing. Somethings should be left unexplained, without being reasoned because it eclipses the beauty. Rose is beautiful, appreciate it, why should we bother why it is red.



me: How are studies?

Diya: pathetic. You study a lot.

me: just one day, i went to library and its buzzing all around the campus. People make sarcastic remarks. :|

Diya: hmm. I am tired of fighting.

me: That was not a fight. It was just a mutual understanding. Anyways it doesn't make a difference.

Diya: Loving you is difficult, and i am not that sort of person, who keeps loving people.

me: Why you always hide yourself inside a hard shell? Why not express yourself as you are? Why you prefer a double life and pretend what you are not.

I am timid and was timid too when i was chatting. But the last line was frustration, anger of the reasons unspecified, perhaps reason was Mumbai Indians lost their IPL match. I didn't know the reason but there was something, instigating me to act which i will not prefer normally. This girl was important, and showing anger is not going to change anything. Neither she is going to love me nor i was going to hate her. But anger is always important, show it otherwise it will burst.

Diya: I don't know what to comment. But does your double life statement mean that i love you and i am afraid to tell.

me: No...definitely not. But why can't you see things simple. Can't you say simply apple, why you prefer Malus domestica?

Diya: Because its me. I can't change.

me: Love me or not, that's your choice. But at least show up your emotion.

"Harsh, Harsh..SPM me test hai, jaldi chal sale", a rough manly voice was calling. And i woke up. This was a dream. I can't believe. Normally, if we lose dream in the middle, we have either of two wishes-" great dream..i want to see more of it" or " God save me. I am glad that it is over." But i had no emotion. Still undecided over what i should wish.

By this time, all type of reasons were coming to make me awake.

By the way, how do you think this chat could have ended???

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